Drink up Yinz SAD Bitches

Hot off the Grill

From today's Pittsburgh Trib Hot off the Grill
Here is the original copy with MORE recipes for your Memorial Day cookout. Remember to thank the veterans in your life this weekend for their service. Have a great holiday!

It’s time to break out the white shoes and fire up the grill! Memorial Day weekend marks a symbolic beginning to summer for many of us; the weather is usually beautiful, the end of the school year is nigh,  the farmers markets have popped up all over town and lots of folks have a three day weekend scheduled that includes some kind of cookout with family and friends.

Initially my plan was to walk through some easy BBQ ideas for all the weekend grill masters because BBQ is among the most popular of foods in this country. However, the further I dive into the world of BBQ, my own recipes and techniques included, the more I realize that there is really nothing easy about it.

Barbeque; There may be no more confusing or convoluted culinary term in history.  Not only does every U.S. region, state and city have its own idea of what barbeque means but even dictionaries,  historians and chefs can’t find common ground in the barbeque arena. Is it a noun, a verb, a sauce, a piece of equipment, a social event or a cooking method?  Is it spelled BBQ or barbeque or barbacoa? Does barbeque mean only pork shoulder or whole hogs as some believe, or beef and chicken or shrimp on the barbi? Suffice to say, the term barbeque means many things to many people. So in the interest of keeping things simple for now, I’ve put together a Memorial Day grilling menu.

J. P. Mackovich of Two Brothers BBQ in Collier Twp. , the Pittsburgh area’s number one rated BBQ joint on Urbanspoon.com, says that regardless of what you decide to grill, there are three essential steps you must first take. Make sure you have sufficient gas or charcoal at the ready so as not to run out of fire mid-party. Make sure that your grill grates are perfectly clean and free of debris.  And wipe the grill grates with a little vegetable oil before you begin to grill. J. P.’s BBQ stand and catering operation is producing tens of thousands of pounds of smoked meats (or barbequed, depending on who you ask) each year which is one reason that he is my “go-to” BBQ expert. The other is that his brisket is so good it pops up in your dreams and beckons you to Collier Twp. We will revisit him later in the summer for a lesson on how to turn your regular, old, back yard grill into a smoker.

This Memorial Day menu includes grilling recipes and side dish ideas, a few of which are from friends with whom I’ve enjoyed a cook out or two. These can be prepared on a gas or charcoal grill and the side dish recipes offer some slightly less than traditional cook out options for your holiday table.  Have a fun and safe holiday weekend. Happy grilling to you!

MENU

Buffalo Blue Cheese Burgers

Tequila-Lime Grilled Chicken Wings

Coffee and Cocoa Spice Rubbed Boneless Pork Chops

Lentil & Orange Salad

Feta & Orzo Salad

Cold Rice & Black Bean Salad

 Grilled Sweet Potatoes with Honey Butter

Boston BBQ Baked Beans

Sweet Cherry Cobbler

Not Your Favorite Wine Sangria

Buffalo Blue Cheese Burgers

Makes 8 burgers

8 fresh burger buns

2-3 # ground beef 80/20 or 81/19

½ pound crumbled blue cheese

1 shallot, minced

1 clove garlic, minced

3 green onions, very thinly sliced

½ cup of Frank’s Red Hot or other Louisiana type hot sauce

1 tsp kosher salt

Fresh ground pepper

In a large mixing bowl, combine all ingredients except for the blue cheese and burger buns. Use your hands to mix all these ingredients well. Divide your beef into 8 equal portions shaped like meat balls. Make an indentation into each meat ball with your thumb and insert an ounce of blue cheese crumbles into the center of each meatball, then close the indentation and reshape into a burger patty. Cook on a hot grill, about 450°F, for about 5-7 minutes on each side for medium doneness, flipping occasionally. If you’re not a big fan of blue cheese, use a different sharp cheese inside your burgers. Serve with lettuce, tomatoes, raw onions, your favorite condiments and even some cooked bacon on the side of you’re feeling decadent.

Tequila-Lime Grilled Chicken Wings

For 5 pounds of whole wings, or approx 20 wings

1 cup tequila

½ cup of vegetable oil

1 bunch cilantro, leaves separated from stems

The juice of 3 whole limes

The zest of 1 whole lime

The juice of 1 whole lemon

½ tsp cumin

1 tsp granulated garlic

1 tsp dried ancho chili powder (substitute regular chili powder if needed)

1 tsp Kosher salt

½ tsp freshly ground black pepper

Combine all ingredients except chicken wings in a mixing bowl and whisk together. Lay wings flat in a shallow pan or divide into gallon size zip bags. Add marinade to chicken wings and refrigerate for 1-24 hours. Preheat oven to 375°F. Cook wings in the oven first for 15 minutes. You can also cook the wings a day ahead and just finish them on the grill. When the grill is at around 400°F, transfer wings to grill and cook, uncovered, for about 6-8 minutes on each side, turning regularly to avoid too much charring. You want the wings to be crispy and well caramelized but not burned. If you have an instant read thermometer, remove the wings from the grill and take a temperature. It should read between 165 and 185°F

Coffee & Cocoa Spiced Rubbed Boneless Pork Chops

For 8, 1-1 ½ inch thick boneless pork chops

¼ cup of ground, unflavored coffee 2 TBL (dark) unsweetened cocoa powder ¼  tsp cinnamon 1 TBL canola oil 1 tsp kosher salt ½ tsp freshly ground pepper ½ tsp dried cayenne and dried chili pepper ¼ cup dark brown sugar Combine all of the dry rub ingredients in a small mixing bowl and mash and mix with a fork until thoroughly combined. Lay pork chops flat on a tray and add about ¾ of a teaspoon of the rub in the center of each pork chop. Rub in completely over the entire side of the chop with your hands. Then, flip the chop over and repeat the process. Wrap chops in plastic and transfer to the refrigerator for 1-24 hours. Cook on grill on medium low heat, less than 400°F and cook for 6-10 minutes per side, turning occasionally. Pork chops are finished when the internal temperature at the thickest part of several chops reaches 141°F. Remove from the grill to take the temperature.

Lentil & Orange Salad from the kitchen of my friend Kate McGinley

Makes 8 servings

1 lb of dry green lentils

1 yellow bell pepper

1 red bell pepper

1 blood orange

1 bunch parsley

1/2 bunch mint

1 medium red onion

1/2 lb raisins

Salt & pepper to taste

Dressing:

Juice of 1 lime

4 tbsp apple cider vinegar

6 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Rinse & clean lentils in colander.  In stock pot, cover lentils with 5 cups cold water.  Cover, bring to boil, and cook for about 15 minutes (package directions).

Meanwhile, evenly dice peppers, orange, and onion, and place in serving bowl.  Add raisins to serving bowl.  Roughly chop mint and parsley, add to serving bowl.  Mix ingredients together.

 For dressing, whisk all ingredients together.

When lentils are ready, drain off any excess water and then pour lentils into serving bowl. While still warm, mix lentils with pepper, onion, orange, raisin and herb mix.  Pour dressing over, stir, add salt and pepper to season. Let salad cool in the refrigerator before serving.  Salad is generally best the next day, although it can keep for up to 4 days refrigerated.

Feta & Orzo Salad from the kitchen of my friend and fellow vocalist Tania Grubbs

Serves 8

1 box of cooked orzo, drained
1  cup crumbled feta cheese
½ of a 6oz bag of fresh baby spinach 
juice of 1 lemon
1/2 diced red onion
1 Cup of Greek Salad Dressing
Salt & Pepper to taste
Make the night ahead so the flavored can marry, then serve chilled. 

Greek Salad Dressing –

Makes 1 cup

3/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup of red wine vinegar
1 tsp of dried oregano
1 teaspoon of salt
½ tsp freshly ground black pepper

Rice & Black Bean Salad from the kitchen of my long time cook out buddy, Jody Humprhries Burkland

Serves 8

1 cup water (or veggie stock/chicken stock if you want it a little more hearty)
1 teaspoon salt, divided 
1/2 cup long-grain rice (can also use quinoa or some rice blends for variety – just follow the cooking directions for whichever you choose)
6 tablespoons fresh lime juice (about 2 large limes) 
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 
1/2 to 1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 garlic clove, minced 
2 teaspoons of finely minced onion (optional)
1 cup rinsed and drained canned black beans 
1 cup fresh corn kernels (about 2 ears) $ 
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro 

Combine 1 cup water and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large, heavy saucepan; bring to a boil. Add rice, garlic, onion and cumin to pan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 20 minutes or until liquid is absorbed. Fluff with a fork.
Combine remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, juice, oil, pepper, and corn kernels in a large bowl. Add rice and beans; toss to coat. Let stand 15 minutes or until completely cool. Stir in cilantro.
You can also throw the corn kernels with the cilantro after the rice/beans have cooled – you just need to dunk it into some boiling water for about 30 seconds to soften it a little.

Grilled Sweet Potatoes with Honey Butter

This has become a staple at most of our cook outs. It’s super easy and delicious.

4 large potatoes will serve 8.

4 large sweet potatoes or yams

1 stick of butter, softened

¼ Cup of honey

½ tsp Kosher salt

½ tsp dried cayenne pepper

Mix softened butter, honey, salt and pepper together and return to fridge. Clean the potatoes. Use a fork to poke a few holes in the potatoes. Cook potatoes in microwave on high for 4 minutes, turn over and cook for 4 minutes more. Transfer cooked potatoes to a hot grill and grill for 3-5 minutes on each side until they are nicely grill marked. Transfer to a higher shelf on your grill to keep warm until everything is ready. Cut in half to serve and add a dollop of honey butter. We also serve this with strained Greek yogurt at times instead of sour cream or butter.

Boston BBQ Baked Beans from the family recipe files of my friend, Malcolm Frazer

Serves 8-10

28 oz can of baked beans

14 oz can of black beans

14 oz can of cannellini or navy beans

5 slices of bacon, chopped – plus enough bacon strips to cover top of vessel to be used, preferably smoked bacon

1 large onion – sliced

1 large red bell pepper – chopped

2-3 green apples. large dice

1 cup of your favorite BBQ sauce

¼ cup apple cider vinegar

¼ cup dark un-sulphured molasses

¼ cup prepared yellow mustard

optional – 2 tsp of cayenne pepper

This can be cooked right on top of grill as the grill heats to proper temp! Place cask iron, or similar heavy bottomed grill-safe,  pan/ Dutch oven on grill. When pan just starts to heat, render the 5 slices of chopped bacon in bottom of pan.

Saute’ the onion & pepper in the bacon fat until just softened. Bacon will continue to get a bit crispier.

Add all other ingredients except for the remaining bacon to the peppers, onion, and chopped bacon mix. Stir a few times until warmed. Move to side of grill. Cover with remaining bacon strips. (You can score the bacon so it’s easier to serve later.)I let it “bake” in the grill until all food is ready. If the items to be grilled do not allow for this method then cook on stove and finish in oven 300°F for 45minutes covered and broil for a few minutes at the end to crisp bacon.

Optional – Use ¾-1 cup of “burnt ends” or shredded beef bits from a previous BBQ cook out. Mix them into the beans instead of or in addition to the bacon bits.  You’ll need ¼ vegetable oil if you don’t use rendered bacon first. 

Sweet Cherry Cobbler

Sweet cherries are in season here at the end of May and beginning of June. Try some from your local farmers market in this simple cobbler recipe. Serve with vanilla ice cream or a little cold cream.

Makes 8 servings

¼ Cup unsalted butter, melted

1 cup flour

¼ tsp salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

¾ cup half and half

1 cup white sugar + 3/4 cup white sugar

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1 cup boiling water

4 Cups fresh cherries, pitted

Non-stick cooking spray

Make the dough by mixing 3/4 cup sugar, butter, flour, salt, baking powder, and half and half together.

Place cherries in the bottom of a 9 inch square pan that has been sprayed with non-stick spray.  Spread dough over the cherries. In a small bowl, combine 1 cup sugar and cornstarch. Stir in boiling water. Pour mixture over the dough.

Bake at 350°F for 50 minutes. Serve warm. You can pop this in the oven when you start serving your grilled items and it will be hot and ready to serve after dinner.

Not Your Favorite Wine Sangria

Since my high school days, I have been known to occasionally host a big party or two each year.  As an “adult” that has meant that often, after these parties, I’m left with a few bottles of wine that are not necessarily my favorites. So for the next party or get together I use them in the recipe below. Make this the night before your event.

2- 1.5 Liter bottles of white zinfandel or 1 a one gallon jug of sweet or semi-sweet white or red wine such as Chablis or Lambrusco

3 cups of brandy

1 cup of white sugar

3 oranges, pits removed, halved and sliced into ½ inch thick slices

2 grapefruits, pits removed, halved and sliced into ½ inch thick slices

4 lemons, pits removed, halved and sliced into ½ inch thick slices

4 limes, pits removed, halved and sliced into ½ inch thick slices

1-2 pound of any color seedless grapes, stems removed

1 pineapple, peeled, cored and sliced into ½ inch thick slices

1 quart strawberries, pitted and halved

1-2 Liter bottle of Sprite, 7-Up or Fresca

In a beverage dispensing cooler or 3 gallon plastic container, place all of the cleaned, sliced fruit on the bottom and mix it up with your hands. Spread the sugar over the fruit and mix again gently. Add the 3 cups of brandy, cover tightly and refrigerate overnight. You can give this a gentle stir once in a while as it’s convenient for you. In the morning add all of the wine to the mixture and stir gently again. Keep this refrigerated until you are ready to serve it. Just before serving, add the 2 liter bottle soda and top off with ice until the serving container is full. You can serve more ice on the side. Leave a ladle inside the serving container so your guests can scoop out the fruit. Enjoy responsibly.

“Restaurant Regulars”, A Blessing and a Curse or Don't Let the Door Hit You in the Ass

“Restaurant Regulars”,  A Blessing and a Curse or Don't Let the Door Hit You in the Ass

By Olga Watkins

We love to make you happy but we don’t always like you. We need you so we can survive in an incredibly competitive industry but we don’t want you to know that we need you. We spend hours planning menus, booking entertainment, setting up rooms and selecting food and beverage features in preparation  for your relatively brief visits. We want your time in our restaurant to be ideal for you and lucrative for us. The only thing we look forward to more than your satisfaction and delight is your timely egress.  

It was Aesop who said that familiarity breeds contempt. That truth is realized in many different scenarios as we journey through life. And often  it becomes  a sentiment in the relationships between restaurant workers and their regular customers. Repeat customers play an essential role in the success of any restaurant. Even restaurants in tourist areas have to cultivate relationships with the locals so they can fill their seats during leaner times. In a city like Pittsburgh, where each neighborhood is its own market, regular customers who visit two or more times a week can account for 75% of a restaurant or bar’s total revenue. Regardless of a restaurant’s location, some concessions must be made in an effort to please and retain its best customers. New and established customers routinely ask to make little modifications to food and beverage items; with or without cheese, on the rocks instead of straight up, with chicken instead of beef, split onto two separate plates, with vodka instead of gin and so on. In a casual dining environment these minor adjustments are expected and easily accommodated. But how do restaurants decide when they need to say no? Restaurant personnel and customers have very different perspectives and opinions about this subject. Yes, we can make you that burger with a different cheese but no, we won’t stock gluten free beer just for you.

It is second nature for restaurateurs and service staff to be people pleasers. They genuinely want to make all of their customers happy, but that is simply not possible. Restaurants have to stay focused on executing the menu items and service style that are true to their concept and doing so to the best of their ability. The idea that the customer is always right is a myth. If we operated under that premise we’d go broke quickly trying to follow every trend and entertain every whim and bad idea everyone ever had. Just think, you could be dining on deconstructed cheese curds and oyster foam on a mattress, with strangers and in total darkness. But there are some restaurants out there that try to offer something for every possible taste. And if they haven’t gone out of business, you can usually find them located at the end of interstate off ramps and in the finest mall parking lots everywhere.  

In an extremely informal survey I conducted on SurveyMonkey.com via Facebook and Twitter, I found that 100% of respondents identified themselves as “regular” customers at a casual or fine dining restaurant.  25% of those respondents felt that 4 visits to the same restaurant should establish one’s status as a regular while 45% think 6 or more visits are required. For 44% of survey takers, that equals 2-4 visits to their favorite restaurant each month. 14% visit once or twice a week and 7 % visit more than twice a week. Of the remaining respondents, 22% patronize their regular spot an average of twice a month and for 11%, it’s once a month or less. The majority of survey respondents, 37%, estimated they spend an average of $15-20 per person per visit, while 26% estimated their spending at $20-30 per person. 75% of those surveyed agreed that restaurant staff should know the names and food and drink preferences of regular customers. 63% think a complimentary food or drink for regulars is in order occasionally. And while 67% think it’s only appropriate for a regular to ask for modifications to already available food and drink items, a whopping 26% believe it’s acceptable to request items that aren’t even on the menu. 16% feel that it is appropriate for regulars to request changes to music, lighting and television channels. And 11% believe that regular customers should be seated ahead of other customers, regardless of how busy the restaurant is at the time. Only 7% of the survey respondents thought that “regular” status at a restaurant didn’t entitle them to any special services or products.

Last year the 960,000 restaurants in the U.S. generated about $604 Billion in sales. According to the US Department of Labor, the average American contributed over $5000 to that sales total.  That’s an average of 7% of each American’s total annual expenditures, roughly the same amount we each spend on “utilities, fuels and public services.” The point of sharing these statistics is simply to illustrate the important role that restaurants play in our lives. From my perspective as a restaurant employee, taking into account the amount of money that an individual customer spends in our restaurant weekly, monthly or annually makes it easier for me to understand why he or she might feel entitled to service that goes above and beyond what is customary. But understanding what motivates people doesn’t necessarily mean I’m willing to accommodate them.

Keeping regular customers happy, thanking them for their patronage and making them feel special while not surrendering the identity of a business to their flights of fancy is a precarious balance to maintain. There are still a few restaurants out there, mainly of the big chain varieties, which welcome and encourage your comments and suggestions. I am intrinsically opposed to the suggestion box. Anonymous comments and suggestions make it difficult for me to take into account the credibility of the person making suggestions or their relationship to the restaurant. I’m not generally inclined to consider special requests from a guy who comes into the restaurant once every three months, spends 10 bucks and complains incessantly because we don’t have meatball hoagies on the menu and Bud Light on tap. And I’ve seen the types of suggestions that emerge from the box. “You should have topless waitresses.” “Stay open 24 hours.” “You guys need to have a karaoke night.” “Prices are too high!! You should have a $1 value menu.”  Um…no.

There isn’t another industry that is subject to as many self proclaimed experts and self appointed critics as the restaurant and food service industry. And all by virtue of the fact that would be experts have eaten food in some restaurant somewhere and therefore understand how restaurants work and are somehow qualified to pass judgment. We each pass judgment by deciding where we spend our money. Making choices everyday as consumers doesn’t make us experts at anything but spending our own money.

In this era of food tv channels and celebrity chefs who aren’t actually chefs, we as restaurant staffers are constantly inundated with suggestions and requests regarding everything from menus to music, from all manner of people who are often without restaurant, retail or professional cooking experience. Customers learn a few buzz words like crème fraiche, caramelize and julienne and suddenly they’re James Beard. So even at the risk of offending one of my own customers I’m going to break the following news. Just because you go out to eat in restaurants, you watch Chopped and Top Chef religiously and you once cooked an entire seven course meal right out of the pages of the French Laundry cookbook does not mean that you know one damn thing about the restaurant business.  By that logic, the fact that I brush my teeth twice a day means that I know enough about dentistry to tell my dentist how to do his job.

I’m flattered that you want to share your Aunt Yetta’s plum pierogi recipe with me but I can’t offer it as a featured item despite your personal assurances that it’s incredible. I’m just too certain that I can’t sell it to anybody but you and maybe not even to you. Restaurants and bars, small businesses in general, have to stay true to their concept while allowing for a little wiggle room so adjustments can be made as they come to better understand and serve their market. So it’s not that we don’t appreciate your opinion or want to cater to your personal tastes, it’s just that we have to be aware of a bigger picture when we make decisions about what we can and can’t do or sell.

Most of us walk around believing, on some level, that it’s “all about me”. So I understand that you think you make a perfect and delicious cheesecake or pizza dough or Marsala sauce at home. That’s awesome. Please bring me some next time. But unless you’ve had to make that one item every day, multiple times a day, for several months, in an impossibly limited amount of time, each time producing an identical finished product, each time for a different person who may want you to make instant modifications to that item and knowing that with every single plate you serve you’re subject to potential review on Yelp, Urbanspoon, Twitter or any number of food blogs and Facebook pages, then you really don’t understand what’s happening behind that kitchen door. And until you’ve made that item repeatedly while you simultaneously prepare twenty other items for twenty different customers, while you yell at servers and bartenders to pick up their orders, while one of those servers has an emotional break down and starts crying because you’re mean, while you have to take ten seconds away from what you’re cooking to wrap the third degree steam burn you just suffered on your wrist, while you realize the prep cook forgot to tell you to pick up more fresh mozzarella for the night, while you notice that the dishwasher is slurring his speech and foaming at the mouth as a result of God knows what controlled substance he ingested on his way to work and while you attempt to take a call from the boss who wants an explanation as to why he just received a text from one of the regulars complaining that the cheese on their plate wasn’t sliced the same way as the last time they were there, then you can’t possibly relate to what the average restaurant chef is juggling and the decisions that he or she has to make in an instant including whether or not they are able to honor your special request. If you’ve ever wondered why Gordon Ramsey is so quick to hurl the f-bomb at people, just chew on that scenario for a few minutes and you’ll understand.

Please don’t mistake this for whining. I actually love cooking professionally. I genuinely enjoy working on the line in a busy restaurant kitchen.  Not just because I’m an egomaniacal adrenaline junkie with a constant need for approval and instant gratification, but also because I really do want you to love my food. I want the memory of something I made for you to bring a smile to your face. I want you to crave the things that you will only find in my kitchen and to bring your friends back with you so they can try them too. I want you to think of our restaurant first when you’re choosing a place to relax and enjoy your down time. I just don’t want you to ask me stupid questions and make outrageous requests of my time while you’re here relaxing. That may seem a bit harsh, but I’m just being honest. Anytime a conversation with a customer starts with “Hey! You know what you guys should do here?” I immediately retreat to the relative safety of the kitchen

Each of us chooses our favorite haunts based on varied criteria. Food and beverage quality, selection and specialties, ambience, staff personalities, kid-friendly products and services, comfortable chairs, big televisions and unique juke box compilations are all among the factors that influence our choices.  If we are physically, financially and emotionally comfortable in a restaurant and it offers just a few of the amenities we seek as consumers then our repeated patronage is likely. And I happen to believe that the average consumer doesn’t expect perfection. The place that I choose to stop for a night cap most weekends is far from perfect. They offer no late night food service or free wireless, they occasionally run out of my preferred spirit and the unavoidable presence of the big mouth, neighborhood know-it-all is all but guaranteed. But when I make my 1:00 a.m. stop there it’s because I need to decompress before I go home.  So the amenities I seek most often are provided; a salty but witty and attentive bartender who pours a generous drink, cartoons or classic movies on the televisions and an always entertaining group of fellow regulars who are just as happy to engage in friendly conversation with me as they are to pretend like I’m not there. So it’s perfect for me. I don’t expect to be handed the moon, but maybe that’s because I work in the industry. I waited three years before asking the owner of my late night hang out to stock my liquor of choice. It was then that I felt I’d proven myself as a regular and there could be no doubt that I would return often to buy that special booze I’d requested.

As far as I’m aware there has been no manual written about how to be a good customer. The reality is that some people just live their lives with a greater sense of entitlement than others. Common sense and courtesy, commodities too often in short supply, should be the guide when deciding what it is reasonable to request from a restaurant, bar or any business outside of the confines of what is typically offered. If you need to think about whether or not the request you’re about to make is unreasonable, then it probably is. Try a role reversal. What do you do for a living? How quick are you to say yes when your customers want you to do something for them that you don’t normally do? And don’t use cooking shows and competitions as a guide to what is reasonable to expect from a restaurant. Those shows are no more based in reality than Snooki’s life on the Jersey Shore. Chefs, bartenders and servers aren’t magicians. We’re just people who make a living trying to make other people happy. But we can’t entertain the whims of every customer or even begin to please all of the people all of the time. Will we serve you your favorite drink in a special glass? Yes. Will we melt your favorite cheese over your fries or give you a double order of the homemade croutons with your soup? Yes. Will we make you a sandwich from a menu that was discontinued six months ago? Maybe. Will we seat your group in front of customers who have been waiting for half an hour or keep some ground ostrich meat on hand just in case the mood strikes you? Probably not. Do tell us when you’re unhappy and we’ll try to make it right. But remember, you’re a regular here because, basically, you already love us for what we are. So embrace it, enjoy it, let us do what we do to keep you coming back for more and please, don’t let the door hit you in the ass. 

The Vodka Diet Revived

Earlier this week I was directed to Greg Miller's Nurse the Hate Blog due to the uncanny timing of a post. I loved it and as a result of reading it, I decided to revive my Vodka Diet blog. Here I will post the items that are not at all likely to be published by the Trib or any other reputable publisher. I won't post much but what I do post will be fun (for me), possibly full of bad words and probably offensive to some. Please subscribe so you can help me track the steady decline of my sense of decorum and sanity. Thanks! -Olga

Let's Talk About Fate Baby- Hollywood Gardens, Rochester, PA

Below is the post I wrote after the Olga Watkins Band's very first show at Hollywood Gardens just over 2 years ago. I was clearly enamored of the place immediately. I think the feeling was mutual to some degree (or some of the time, anyway) because I now make the 45 minute one-way commute to Rochester, PA three times a week to cook and/or tend bar and/or annoy people at Hollywood Gardens.
My regular employment there is a somewhat recent development. But the band has played several shows at HG since March, 2010 and we've loved and enjoyed it very much. The boys (men, whatever) in the band decided independently of me that this is the ideal venue for the live CD recording of "Truth and Trouble" and here we are one week away from what promises to be an amazing night for all involved. This band and this bar have each made such remarkable progress in the last 2 years; some of it obvious to the casual observer and some of it not so obvious.
Either way, I'm proud to be a member of both teams. My band and the whole staff at HG have all of my gratitude, love and respect for helping me make this CD recording possible and for making Hollywood Gardens a place that I am honored to represent. Whew! That's enough of that gooey bullshit. Suffice it to say that I am really looking forward to next weekend. And if you can't be there, I'll be posting an update after the event. I'm sure it will be just as glowing a review as was the first.

Check it out: Posting from March 21, 2010 "Hollywood Gardens, Rochester, PA"
Rochester, Pennsylvania may not be the first place you think of while making your weekend plans, but if you live in or around that part of Beaver County, perhaps it should be. Well hidden at 169 Pinney St. in "beautiful" downtown Rochester, (I think it was downtown) sits a little gem of place where my band was lucky enough to perform last night.

Hollywood Gardens Bar is a family owned establishment for more than fifty years, passed from father to son and recently renovated. The space is contemporary but casual and welcoming and offers an impressive selection of twelve craft beers on tap as well as hundreds of bottled micro and craft brews in their beer library, the latter available for take out in the form of mix and match six packs. (yum) The menu is simple and ideal for the setting and includes a gorgeous fruit and cheese platter, fried ravioli, pot stickers and a hand full of other appetizing drinking partners.

Frank, the owner and quite the dancing machine, who has neither his first nor last name listed on any piece of marketing material or advertising, is modest, laid back, friendly, knowledgeable about his product and exactly the kind of guy with whom you will want to share a quality beer. A music lover, Frank included a bandstand in his initial renovation which he is planning to expand and is working on building a deck for outdoor seating that is due for completion sometime around Memorial Day.

In addition to my band, Hollywood Gardens has hosted Harold Betters, the Blues Society of Western PA's Blues Night Out, and has dates booked for local favorites including Dave Iglar, Slim Forsyhte, the Mystic Knights and the Jay Wiley Band, among others. We are also planning to return for another show in the not too distant future. If you're looking for a relaxed, pub style, neighborhood spot( in a most unexpected neighborhood) with friendly service, great food and excellent music, Hollywood Gardens is patiently waiting for you.

Below are the hours and address. Here's a tip for the other dummies out there like me who rely too heavily on Google directions. If you're headed north on route 65, the second exit for 18S is 18S/68E to Rochester. At the bottom of the ramp go straight to the next intersection where you'll see a giant American Flag on your right. Take a sharp right there and Hollywood Gardens will be immediately on your right. Plenty of parking is available. If you're coming from any other direction, you're on your own.

169 Pinney St Rochester, PA 15074 724.728.2227

Bar: Mon - Sat - 4pm - 2am Kitchen: Mon-Thur - 5pm-Midnight Fri & Sat - 5pm-1am

A Snow Story

Today marks the 17th anniversary of the blizzard of '93. Saying things like that makes me feel old. My best buddy (we'll call her Woody after a Woody Woodpecker sheet she wore to a toga party in our youth resulting in an equally ridiculous and funny story) and I were in our early 20's and signing a lease for an apartment on E. Carson St. South Side, Pittsburgh.

We were, of course, typical twenty somethings in that we were oblivious to the weather forecast and unprepared. We were making our decorating plans when we noticed how much it was snowing. "Wow! It's really coming down out there." "Yeah...let's get some more champagne."

Needless to say, we got stuck on south side with no more than a bag of clothes in the back of Woody's car, a radio and some champagne. Fortunately, the apartment was recently vacated and the power and heat were still on. When we ran out of booze, MUCH later that day as one of our favorite watering holes was now at our back door, we made a bed and "blankets" out of Woody's stash of extra clothes and huddled together on the floor in front of the radio to sleep.

When the snow stopped the next day and we had no way to dig ourselves out, we layered all the clothes we had into what I'm sure were absurd but hilarious impromptu snow ensembles and hiked the 14 blocks to the apartment of one of my ex-boyfriends. (20 years older than me and in retrospect, a real ass wipe.) We then proceeded to eat all his food, drink all his booze and reduce his stash of contraband to zero before we returned to our new apartment where Woody dug the car out with an ice scraper.

Ahhh...the good old days. I'm surprised I remember them at all.

Open letter to our government leaders-forwarded email

This email was forwarded to me. It's an open letter to our government leaders from a woman in Arizona.

"I am a home grown American citizen, 53, registered Democrat all my life. Before the last presidential election I registered as a Republican because I no longer felt the Democratic Party represents my views or works to pursue issues important to me. Now I no longer feel the Republican Party represents my views or works to pursue issues important to me. The fact is I no longer feel any political party or representative in Washington represents my views or works to pursue the issues important to me. Instead, we are burdened with Congressional Dukes and Duchesses who think they know better than the citizens they are supposed to represent.

There must be someone... Please tell me who you are. Please stand up and tell me that you are there and that you're willing to fight for our Constitution as it was written. Please stand up now.
You might ask yourself what my views and issues are that I would feel so horribly disenfranchised by both major political parties. What kind of nut-job am I? Well, these briefly are the views and issues for which I seek representation:

One , illegal immigration. I want you to stop coddling illegal immigrants and secure our borders. Close the underground tunnels. Stop the violence and the trafficking in drugs and people. No amnesty, not again. Been there, done that, no resolution. P.S., I'm not a racist. This is not to be confused with legal immigration..

Two, the STIMULUS bill.. I want it repealed and I want no further funding supplied to it. We told you No, but you did it anyway. I want the remaining unfunded 95% repealed. Freeze, repeal.

Three: Czars. I want the circumvention of our constitutional checks and balances stopped immediately. Fire the czars . No more czars. Government officials answer to the process, not to the president. Stop trampling on our Constitution, and honor it.

Four, cap and trade. The debate on global warming is not over. There are many conflicting opinions and it is too soon for this radical legislation. Quit throwing our nation into politically-correct quicksand.

Five, universal healthcare . I will not be rushed into another expensive decision that will burden me, my children, and grandchildren. Don't you dare try to pass this in the middle of the night without even reading it. Slow down! Fix only what is broken -- we have the best health care system in the world -- and test any new program in one or two states first.

Six, growing government control. I want states rights and sovereignty restored. I want less government in my life, not more. More is not better! Shrink it down. Mind your own business. You have enough to take care of with your real [Constitutional] obligations. Why don't you start there.

Seven, ACORN. I do not want ACORN and its affiliates in charge of our 2010 census. I want them investigated. I also do not want mandatory escrow fees contributed to them every time on every real estate deal that closes -- how did they pull that one off? Stop the funding to ACORN and its affiliates pending impartial audits and investigations. I do not trust them with taking the census with our taxpayer money. I don't trust them with any of our taxpayer money. Face up to the allegations against them and get it resolved before taxpayers get any more involved with them. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, hello. Stop protecting your political buddies. You work for us, the people. Investigate.

Eight, redistribution of wealth . No, no, no. I work for my money. It is mine. I have always worked for people with more money than I have because they gave me jobs -- and that is the only redistribution of wealth that I will support. I never got a job from a poor person! Why do you want me to hate my employers? And what do you have against shareholders making a profit?

Nine, charitable contributions. Although I never got a job from a poor person, I have helped many in need. Charity belongs in our local communities, where we know our needs best and can use our local talent and our local resources. Butt out, please. We want to do it ourselves.

Ten, corporate bailouts. Knock it off. Every company must sink or swim like the rest of us. If there are hard times ahead, we'll be better off just getting into it and letting the strong survive. Quick and painful. (Have you ever ripped off a Band-Aid?) We will pull together. Great things happen in America under great hardship.. Give us the chance to innovate. We cannot disappoint you more than you have disappointed us.

Eleven, transparency and accountability. How about it? No, really, how about it? Let's have it. Let's say we give the buzzwords a rest and have some straight honest talk. Please stop trying to manipulate and appease me with clever wording. I am not the idiot you obviously take me for. Stop sneaking around and meeting in back rooms making deals with your friends. It will only be a prelude to your criminal investigation.. Stop hiding things from me.

Twelve, unprecedented quick spending. Stop it now .
Take a breath. Listen to the people. Slow down and get some input from nonpoliticians and experts on the subject. Stop making everything an emergency. Stop speed-reading our bills into law. I am not an activist. I am not a community organizer. Nor am I a terrorist, a militant or a violent person. I am a parent and a grandparent. I work. I'm busy. I am busy, and I am tired. I thought we elected competent people to take care of the business of government so that we could work, raise our families, pay our bills, have a little recreation, complain about taxes, endure our hardships, pursue our personal goals, cut our lawn, wash our cars on the weekends and be responsible contributing members of society and teach our children to be the same all while living in the home of the free and land of the brave.

I entrusted you with upholding the Constitution. I believed in the checks and balances to keep from getting far off course. What happened? You are very far off course. Do you really think I find humor in the hiring of a speed reader to unintelligently ramble all through a bill that you signed into law without knowing what it contained? I do not.
It is a mockery of the responsibility I have entrusted to you. It is a slap in the face. I am not laughing at your arrogance. Why is it that I feel as if you would not trust me to make a single decision about my own life and how I would live it but you should expect that I should trust you with the debt that you have laid on all of us and our children. We did not want the TARP bill. We said no. We would repeal it if we could. I am sure that we still cannot. There is needless urgency and recklessness in all of your recent spending of our tax dollars.


From my perspective, it seems that all of you have gone insane. I also know that I am far from alone in these feelings.. Do you honestly feel that your current pursuits have merit to patriotic Americans? We want it to stop. We want to put the brakes on everything that is being rushed by us and forced upon us. We want our voice back. You have forced us to put our lives on hold to straighten out the mess that you are making. We will have to give up our vacations, our time spent with our children, any relaxation time we may have had and money we cannot afford to spend on bringing our concerns to Washington . Our president often knows all the right buzzwords like unsustainable. Well, no kidding. How many tens of thousands of dollars did the focus group cost to come up with that word? We don't want your overpriced words. Stop treating us like we're morons.


We want all of you to stop focusing on your reelection and do the job we want done, not the job you want done or the job your party wants done. You work for us and at this rate I guarantee you not for long because we are coming. We will be heard and we will be represented. You think we're so busy with our lives that we will never come for you? We are the formerly silent majority, all of us who quietly work, pay taxes, obey the law, vote, save money, keep our noses to the grindstone... and we are now looking at you.
You have awakened us, the patriotic freedom spirit so strong and so powerful that it had been sleeping too long. You have pushed us too far. Our numbers are great. They may surprise you. For every one of us who will be there, there will be hundreds more that could not come. Unlike you, we have their trust. We will represent them honestly, rest assured. They will be at the polls on voting day to usher you out of office.
We have cancelled vacations. We will use our last few dollars saved. We will find the representation among us and a grassroots campaign will flourish. We didn't ask for this fight. But the gloves are coming off. We do not come in violence, but we are angry. You will represent us or you will be replaced with someone who will... There are candidates among us who will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes that you have made of our constitution.

Democrat, Republican, independent, libertarian. Understand this. We don't care. Political parties are meaningless to us Patriotic Americans are willing to do right by us and our Constitution, and that is all that matters to us now. We are going to fire all of you who abuse power and seek more. It is not your power. It is ours and we want it back. We entrusted you with it and you abused it. You are dishonorable. You are dishonest. As Americans we are ashamed of you. You have brought shame to us. If you are not representing the wants and needs of your constituency loudly and consistently, in spite of the objections of your party, you will be fired. Did you hear? We no longer care about your political parties. You need to be loyal to us, not to them.. Because we will get you fired and they will not save you.

If you do or can represent me, my issues, my views, please stand up. Make your identity known. You need to make some noise about it. Speak up. I need to know who you are. If you do not speak up, you will be herded out with the rest of the sheep and we will replace the whole congress if need be one by one. We are coming. Are we coming for you? Who do you represent? What do you represent? Listen. Because we are coming. We the people are coming."